As per usual with Darkthrone these days, a new record arrived without any notice and NO ONE got the promo until after its release. So, here I am trying to toss together a review at the last second for a band whose process is so annoying that I don’t even want to review them. But, I love Darkthrone. So I will ignore my annoyance and pen this fucking thing. Even after twenty full-length albums and nearly four decades in existence, Darkthrone can still surprise their fanbase with each new record—to the point that you don’t know what to expect. But, the last time I enjoyed a complete Darkthrone album was 2013’s The Underground Resistance and 2021’s Eternal Halls……. Keeping with the theme of the latter album, we have another record that uses unnecessary dots in its title. But, does It Beckons Us All……. have what it takes to keep these crusty old fuckers relevant after all these years?
Since the days when Fenriz started lending his voice to Darkthrone albums, things have undoubtedly become weird. But, the band’s commitment to an old-school sound that no longer relies on the yesteryears of Norwegian black metal glory has been enlightening. Chipping away at classic ’80s riffs from the likes of Hellhammer, Celtic Frost, and Sarcófago, Culto and Fenriz have been keeping old-man metal alive after pulling away from the first and second-wave scenes with Hate Them. Since then, they’ve been forging a path that has seen fans come and go, depending on which version of Darkthrone they prefer. But these two gents couldn’t care less. They could care so little that, as I type these words, I feel like I’m wasting my time. But, after listening to It Beckons Us All……., I wish they did care. Because this has to be one of the most disappointing things I’ve heard since Metallica’s 72 Seasons.
“Howling Primitive Colonies” kicks things off with some weird, psychedelic effects that remind me of that mapping bot from Prometheus. Then, it slides into a classic, mid-paced Darkthrone groove that transitions to some boring, slow sustains and perhaps one of Culto’s worst vocal performances. Hell, I wouldn’t even call them vocals. It’s more like raspy rambling than anything else. It picks up the pace at the midpoint, but the one-dimensional “vocals” remain. Thankfully, “Black Dawn Affiliation” arrives a couple of songs later to kick some major ass. This song might be one of the most badass songs to come from Culto’s fingers. For over six minutes, he takes a basic riff and continues to add layers upon layers, evolving it to a massive headbanging climax as distant clean vocals swirl around it.
The ten-minute closer, “The Lone Pines of the Lost Planet,” provides other interesting guitar moments. Specifically, the mid-section harmonizing work which also continues to evolve as it goes. It’s one of the more surprising pieces because it opens with reverberating clean guitars that feel like it’s about to morph into a Metallica ballad. It fails because it has so many worthless sections that drag it out unnecessarily. Plus, I swear to God, Culto says, “Sucking on hydrothermic chimneys.”1 But, at least it contributes something to the album. Unlike the absolutely worthless instrumental, “And in That Moment I Knew the Answer.” I could have spent those three minutes taking a shit instead of listening to this thing. “Eon 3” and “The Heavy Hand” also suffer in their own unique ways. While Culto refuses to sing on this album, Fenriz’s cleans on “Eon 3” are buried in the back and completely encapsulated in effects. And though “The Heavy Hand” has an engaging, haunting attitude, it spends four minutes going nowhere.
After reviewing Darkthrone albums for years, this is the first time I’ve been this disappointed. It Beckons Us All……. is the most uninspiring collection of work the band has released in some time. Outside of the top songs, the others feel thrown together and completely lifeless. And the vocals are either borderline talking or so distant that they’re barely backing vocals. There is some surprising guitar work in songs like “Black Dawn Affiliation” and “The Lone Pines of the Lost Planet,” but it’s not enough to carry the rest of the songs. It’s a shame because the album is so dynamic that if rats were running around the studio, you’d hear them. Though I’m one of the biggest fans of this band, I won’t be returning to this one.
Rating: 2.0/5.0
DR: 10 | Format Reviewed: 320 kb/s mp3
Label: Peaceville Records | Bandcamp
Websites: facebook.com/darkthroneofficial
Releases Worldwide: April 26th, 2024
